Where My Demons Hide
by 60LoveStoriesLater
Summary: Nicky accidently acquires a batch of faulty sex dolls, which have inadvertently been filled with an explosive gas.


**WRITTEN OF A PROMPT:**

 **Just a draft for now, I'll see how you guys react before I continue. It is based on the episode UDX Danger from OFAH so all credit goes to the rightful owner, John Sullivan.**

 **Ok, so I'm new to writing for Orange Is the New Black, but I wanted to try something different and JanuaryDancer sent me a great new prompt! As a fan of Only Fools is Horses, I honestly couldn't resist the opportunity to bring the two worlds together. It's probably not what you think (hopefully it will be better!) but I hope you will enjoy. I'll be writing some more serious content for Nicky and Morello over the next few weeks. This is just my cheeky little introduction to the world of OITNB.**

 **Reviews are always wonderful to get. Let me know if you think I should continue!**

 **~{*}~**

Outside, the air appeared perfectly without movement; no flash broke through the seven-fold cloud, but a flickering light was visible, darting to and fro behind it. By degrees, the thunder rolled onward, nearer and nearer, till the inky cloud burst asunder and cataracts of light came pouring from behind it. From that moment onwards, there was no interval, no pause, the lighting did not flash, there were no claps of thunder, but the heavens blazed and bellowed above and round the hollow grounds of Litchfield Penitentiary, till stupor took the place of terror, and Morello pressed her limp body up against Nicky's wet uniform, utterly confounded. Torrents of water seemed to bruise the streets below in their haste; eddies of thick dust rose up to meet the splinters of crimson light; and the inmate almost appeared to be glowing as she pressed her nose against the column of her ex-bunkies neck, inhaling the sweet scent of damp skin after rainfall with her lips ever-so-slightly parted and stealing quick, shallow gasps of air. Every point of contact between them felt important, a new and unfamiliar rush of energy and release. They did not touch carelessly beneath the snow-flecked canopy of the prison's iron-gated courtyard; preferring to touch without pressure or expectation instead. Tears streamed down flushed cheeks, falling slowly and then all at once. Nicky Nichols wore her tempered smile like an apology as her lips ghosted along Morello's bare shoulder, trembling with every touch. The smaller woman's cheeks were stained from crying, her eyes still heavy and swollen. Nicky's hands trembled as they grazed against Morello's hips, searching for solid purchase. Slowly, they tumbled into the chapel, discarding their clothes as they went. There, Nicky touched Morello's cheek to slow the kiss down, holding her mouth on hers so that she could feel every place where their lips touched and every place where they pulled away. She savoured the air they shared in the seconds afterwards and the slip of Lorna's button nose across hers. Her fingertips danced along the frail rim of a freckled collarbone, gently easing her backwards until her pelvic bone arched forward and she slotted into place against the altar. She ran a reassuring hand through retro-glam curls, feeling the weight of the tiny inmate slam into her. Morello parted their lips and sniffed away the tears, still desperately clinging onto Nichols' waist as she did so. Suddenly, she didn't feel crazy. She almost felt assured as she explored the redhead's body with newfound appreciation. For once, she demanded control and her tears slowly began to trickle into nothingness against her skin. Nicky thought of something to say, but it was too intimate and far too vulnerable, so she swallowed it. A moment later, just as she decided that she didn't care anymore, a rough cough interrupted her thoughts.

They jumped apart, startled to see a very damp Luschek standing in the chapel doorway, unmoving. In his arms he held two ruined cardboard boxes, stuffed to the rim with some sort of plastic fabric. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, clearing his throat. "Don't mind me ladies, carry on."

He began to turn away, his face almost crimson with embarrassment. All of his dreams had come true at once, yet he was too embarrassed to stay and watch. "Wait." Nicky called after him, cocking her head to the left. "Whatcha got in those boxes?"

Luschek shuffled up the altar, his sight blighted by the large, wet boxes. Each box had a consignment number printed across it, and a stamp which stated clearly: REJECT. He climbed up the steps, placed the boxes on the wooden stage floor and proceeded to try and cut through the tape holding the remaining pieces together. "I've got a little business going on the side." He said, glancing around the chapel. "I've just brought fifty dolls – good as new. Fell of the back of a lorry, that's all. You know what these manufacturers are like, one tiny little scratch on em' and they mark em' as a reject. Anyway, these are probably Barbie or Cindy dolls, top of the range."

"You've just brought fifty dolls that have got something wrong with them?" Morello asked, moving to take a closer look. She wiped away the last of her tears, leaving track marks on her sleeves. "How you gonna sell them in prison?"

"I'm not." He said, passing the delivery docket to Nicky. "They're for kids. I'll sell em' onto a trader or something."

Nicky looked up from the docket, her lips smashed together. "Luschek, these dolls aren't called Barbie or Cindy. They're called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle!"

"You can't have kid's dolls with names like that." Morello exclaimed, her eyes as wide as saucepans. Nicky passed the docket to Luschek with a smug, shit-eating grin plastered across her face.

"You can if you go to the right shops." She said.

Luschek hurriedly ripped away the tape, suddenly anxious to peer inside the box. He reached inside and produced one of the dolls, which rapidly unfolded as he held it up for examination. It was, as Nicky suspected, a life-sex, inflatable sex doll, meant only for the most disturbing of uses. Morello clamped a hand over her mouth, almost choking as she tried not to laugh. "Bloody hell." Luschek squirmed, wiping his palms on his pant-leg. "What have we got ourselves into here…"

Nicky reached into the box, pulling out another life-size doll. This time, the doll was made up of a deep brown complexion, still as hideous as the first doll. "Jesus Luschek, look at this one in here. You've got more colours in here than jelly babies!"

"Oh you're going to have to get rid of those a bit lively." Morello said, prodding the plastic flesh. She squealed when Nicky grabbed Lusty Linda's boob, backing away with her arms raised. "Don't give em' to me!"

"Hey, Nichols,' look at this." Nicky walked over to where Luschek was sat, still crouched over the boxes of perverted latex. He looked up her, still holding the docket in one hand and smiled suddenly. "These things, they sell for what? Sixty-pounds each? And these dolls are the self-inflating deluxe models, for the more discerning weirdo."

"So what are you trying to say?" Nicky asked, throwing Lusty Linda back into the box.

"If you help me get these down to Dirty Barry's, I'll give you a cut."

Nicky folded her arms, considering his deal. Morello walked over to her side, draping her arm over Nicky's shoulder. "Me too?"

"You too." Luschek nodded, closing up the box. He rose to his feet with a slight wobble, huffing as he heaved the box upwards.

"Who's Dirty Barry?" Nichols asked, her brow crooked as she swirled a piece duct tape around the floor with the heel of her boot.

"Well, he runs a little, um, 'personal' store down on Walworth Road. He'll take the whole lot!"

"And what happens if Figueroa finds out?"

"Why? Does she want one?"

"You know what I mean." Nicky huffed, rolling up the sleeves of her khaki uniform. "You've got two hundred women up in here with no phones, no washing machines, no hair dryers –it's like _Lord of the Flies_ on estrogen. There is no way you can smuggle them out of here without anyone seeing."

"Just get em' outta here as quick as you can." Morello said, twisting her hair nervously. "I don't like the idea of sharing my bunk with half-a-ton of latex and a canister of gas."

Luschek kicked the boxes into place beneath the altar. "Now, listen. I'm going to give Barry a call and see if he'll hold on for me tonight. All you have to do is keep an eye on the boxes. I don't want any inmates sexually harassing Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle, alright ladies?"

"Fine." Nicky pouted, uncrossing her arms.

Morello pulled on Nicky's cross to straighten it, patting her chest. "You couldn't honestly sell those dolls could you?"

"To be honest with you, no, no I couldn't."

"Barry?" The church suddenly echoed with the sounds of Luschek cementing his business transaction. "Hello, it's Luschek!"

Nicky smiled and pressed a firm kiss against Morello's temple. "But I know a man who can."

 **~{*}~**


End file.
